Full Force

Summer is almost over… [sigh]

I am truly enjoying the past couple months, more than I thought possible. Sure, I knew it would be great. Yet somehow there is something fantastic about the simplicity of life at times. What do I mean? I find joy in the simplest things.

For instance… I have spent a great deal of the past couple months just relaxing with one of my good friends at home playing cards or scrap-booking. I’ve made a scrapbook from when I was younger through my high school years, so now I am focusing on college until now. It’s fun just to look at pictures over the past few years and remember those days/nights. In a way it’s sad because I know a chapter in my life is soon to close. Although I am content with the friendships I gained and lost during those times. There is one friend during that time who I did make a special tribute to in this new scrapbook [RIP Mike].

Now that I have ONE WEEK until I can drive again [six months seizure free, Thank you Lord], I am on a mission. Normally, I am not one to sit idle. I can’t stand it. Honestly, I still don’t know how I have managed to survive these six months. But I owe it to my friends for sticking by me and making sure I didn’t lose my marbles. But honestly, the way I saw it… I was able to do some work from home, but no point in trying to work outside of it until I could be independent from needing a driver. Even though I have people to count on, I couldn’t ask someone to drive me to work every day. I know there is always public transportation, but by my house- there really isn’t any. And besides that fact, my condition wasn’t as stable as it should be to have a full time job. It doesn’t make sense to take on a new position when you can’t predict when you’ll be sick. I doubt a new boss would keep me if I had to call in.

Since I think I am okay now… I’ve been sending out resumes. Filling out applications and trying to MOVE ON with my life. Would love to go back to Lansing and live asap. If I find a job there and can work on saving up some loot…bye bye to the Flint area once and for all [I promise this time!] Like everyone said, they never expected me to be back once I started college and moved into my own apartment. Had I not gotten sick, I wouldn’t have been back. But hey… things are thrown at you that you can’t always foresee. I’ll get back on my feet, and when I do…I’m hitting the ground running!

Money Is NOT My Motivation

Did I just say that? Money is not my motivation? Not entirely.

Sure, I need money to live, but beyond that, I’m fine. Wow. I must not be the average female.

With Fabolous singing “Throw it in the Bag” I could be one of THOSE females. You know… the golddiggers. No thank you. I’d rather work for my own funds, and earn them by doing something I enjoy.

Currently I am working on some business ventures. Visit the Twitter AND Myspace pages to see what I’m up to right now. I have been writing along with that. Hopefully it all works out how we intend it. Have my fingers crossed.

I am overall just loving life! This summer is coming to an end. I’ve met some great people over the past few months and reconnected with some people I haven’t spent enough time with. It’s been interesting to see the difference between my true and social friends. When I got sick I thought I had a ton of friends, turns out a lot of them were just social or just people I associated with. Thankfully I learned the difference. I am so thankful to have the true friends I do. They’re always by my side and have made the past 6 months fly by.

But now it’s time to keep going with business, get on with a new job and keep studying for my LSAT. It’s going to come sooner than I think!

The Point of It All….

“I can´t stay away from you too long
Even if I do I´ll always call
Checkin’ on you make sure you´re ok
Be the one to brighten up your day

And the point of it all
Is I love you
You know I love you baby

My days seem long
whenever we’re apart
it´s like someone had
thrown away my heart
you´re a major part of my life
And no matter what the
storm may bring
I´m fine with you. . . ” – Anthony Hamilton
As I’m listening to this song, I should dedicate it to my writing.  I can’t stay away too long. Like the song says, it is a major part of my life and through any storm, I’m fine as long as I have it. It gets me through the bad days and it’s always there in the good. It’s there to congratulate me when no one else is, to give me that pat on the back to say “Good job!”

I continue to study for my LSAT, yet in the back of my mind I wonder if that’s the direction I should take. Then again, it’s only a test. It doesn’t necessarily mean I have to choose law school nor does it mean I will do well [although I have no doubts in my abilities]. I have this love and passion for writing. No, I am not the most articulate or refined but I’ve always held the belief that if you are passionate about something- you are capable of anything.

My heart yearns to write. I continue to read books and wish my name was printed on one. Although I haven’t been working on my own like I had originally planned, I still have the full intention of being an author. My project is on a temporary hold until I have more focus and concentration, until them I’m working on smaller projects. These will hopefully put some money in my pocket for now. Once I have some cash flow, then all bets are off!

Motivation

Try.  Amateurs built the Ark, professionals built the Titanic.

Instead of trying, I am going to just DO. Currently I’m motivated and focused on a few different projects. One of those being studying for the LSAT.

Another… sending out my resume. [La,la,la,la wait till I get my money right] Even though I’m no longer in the Lansing area, I couldn’t resist applying for a job there. Besides, with the economy [especially in Flint] I’ll take what I can get. It’s probably better to get my foot back in the door so I can be situated for when I start school again in January. And by the grace of God I should graduate in Decemeber. I should have this year… but as we all know things happen.

What I have realized though, these obstacles have me that MORE determined. I have those that don’t understand or know my situation and place judgment. Those that began school at the same time I did and are finished and look down on me. But I haven’t “goofed off.” Forget explaining myself though…

Then there are those that stand behind me and let me know that it’s OKAY. That I haven’t failed myself or let anyone down. Even though I’m currently listening to College Dropout, I refuse to stop what I’ve started.

Is it ironic that listening to College Dropout helps motivate me? Then again maybe that’s the whole point…

This was something I posted on Facebook back in January. I had forgotten about it until today and found it amusing.

Whatever happened to being honest? Is it a lost art? No matter how crude a person can, may, or will be… at least they are being honest. I may not agree with their morals and values (if they should even have any) or the words that are being uttered out of their mouths, but I can give them a pat on the back for staying true to themselves. That’s an art form that you rarely, if ever, witness these days. Why? People are so apt to trying to IMPRESS the person next to them, and honestly, trying to impress themselves.

They think if they put on a pair of True Religion jeans, no matter if they had to do gymnastics to get their ass to fit into them, then they will be the next Eva Longoria. ::NEWS FLASH:: The paparazzi could give a damn if your no-name ass wastes your part-time (or your parents) cash on jeans that you know you can’t fill your closet with. That is unless you want to end up on MTV True Life I’m a Shopping Addict Part 2, so that Rent-A-Center can come and jack your bed furniture (if you don’t know what I’m talking about watch it online). Please just be real with yourself and other people. If you have a fake Gucci bag, stop fronting and claiming it’s real when you, me, and someone standing 20 feet away can tell. Now, that’s not to say you can’t have nice things. If you can afford it and not end up in the poor house, do you. But if you can’t pay your bills and constantly change your cell phone number because collectors keep calling, honey- you may have a problem. Another thing- if you don’t have a credit card, don’t comment on those that do. Chances are you don’t know how they work. People that have them are BUILDING CREDIT, and sweetheart you have NONE! Although none compared to how bad some people ruin their credit might be a good thing lol

Now that I was talking about collectors calling cell phones has me thinking about the iPhone…. I’ll admit it is fly, so I can see why people would want one. But before you get one ask yourself these important questions: Do I have a phone now? If you answered no, ask yourself this…. Is the reason I don’t have a phone because I don’t have a job? If you answered yes, you DON’T need a phone, let alone a iPhone. Chances are you probably can’t afford to buy one anyway, and it’s an even higher chance once you get it, it’ll get turned off the first month because you “forgot” to pay the bill. So much for looking fly. Another thing that irks the hell outta me is when claim they are so rich knowing good and well they never worked a day in their life. I know plenty of people that are quick to drop money on clothes, shoes, and jewels. It probably is easy for them because it’s not their money. The thing that always has bugged me is when I have gone shopping. “Dang Sarah, you can just go shopping like that?” ::Bags in hand:: Yes I can. I’ll admit, I might be slightly addicted. But I know where my money comes from, my boss. And no he is not my daddy in any way, shape or form. It gets direct deposited every two weeks. And having credit cards is okay, just make sure you pay them off. Too many knuckleheads thinking they can get by on paying the minimum balance every month. Ha. Right. So before you think you are gonna walk into the club like a bossy bitch…think about this- who bought what you wore? If you didn’t….answer this, that’s not very bossy, now is it?

I never understood the purpose of why people feel the need to brag about money or brag about looks. My feeling is, if you actually have either, they speak for themselves. For instance… went on a date with a guy I used to talk to. He wouldn’t tell me what kind of car he drove because it was a “surprise.” All his friends said he had done really well for himself blah blah blah. Turns out he had a Beamer. Ooooooh Ahhhhhhhh. (ha no) That doesn’t impress me ESPECIALLY when it has about 40,000 miles MORE than MINE does (and mine has almost 90,000). And has a huge dent and scratch on the side. Sorry buddy but I’ll take my sorry ass Malibu over your Beamer any day! Maybe I am just a hater…. but if you are gonna have something don’t worry about the label, just make sure it’s nice. If you actually are doing well for yourself, that’ll show. Don’t try to put on a show.

As far as looks, I CANNOT stand it when a guy (or female for that matter) goes ON and ON about how good they look. I wanna take a revolver to my head. Seriously, not cute. It makes you look conceited. If you’re hot, you’re hot. I’m sure someone else will think so and tell you. So I don’t think you need to remind yourself and me every 5 minutes. Thanks! Some people go to the EXTREME to prove to themselves that they’re sexy. It’s one thing to have “photo shoots” for facebook every now and post “REAL PHOTO SHOOTS” where it looks like I could have taken the picture? Ha. So not sexy. Leave it to the professionals sweetie

Home Again…

I fidget. Meaning… unless something has my full attention I become quite bored and can’t sit still. This has posed a problem for me as of late. I have TOO much time on my hands. Considering I had to take some time away from school, I debated what my next option was.

Although I am unsure if I want to go to law school, I decided that I should try my luck with the LSAT. It’s been something I have thought about and attempted to study for before, however, I have put it off for one reason or another. This time I have no excuse. I have the extra time. My test date is December 5th. That gives me plenty of time to study, and to still enjoy the summer months as well. It would bother me to no end if I was unproductive this entire time.

5 months back at home and counting…. sigh. I’ll never take my independence for granted again lol. As much as people complain about being an adult, responsibilities, and bills (trust I still have plenty of those)… I wouldn’t trade it for the world. Sure being a kid and being innocent is great, but I’d rather work hard and then enjoy the fruits of my labor. Maybe that’s just me?

“Fear less, hope more; Eat less, chew more; Whine less, breathe more; Talk less, say more; Love more, and all good things will be yours”

Who ever said life was easy? No one. Some have the idea that everything should be handed to them on a silver platter. The rest of us, the vast majority that is, work hard to obtain stability. For me, life has been far from a cake walk. Most recently, it has been a dramatic whirlwind of events…all of which has led me back home- with no job, no classes, and unable to drive.

How? I became ill February 1st to be exact. My doctor wouldn’t allow me to work or to stay in my apartment by myself. I hoped things would get better, only believing it was a temporary situation (one to two weeks max). Well…. then came the seizure. There went my driver’s license for six months (I am allowed to drive again in August). But have I complained? Not in the least.

Yes I’ve had my moments where I wanted to feel sorry for myself. I worked and went to school (both) full time. Take that away from an independent woman and that is like taking away alcohol from an alcoholic. Not the prettiest sight. But being sick it didn’t bother me at first. It isn’t until now, four months later that I am starting to feel it.

I have so much extra time on my hands I don’t know what to do with it. Perhaps I should have put it into my writing, but I didn’t start to feel better until last month. Sure there were times where I could go out with friends and be “normal” for a night, but that was followed by 4 days of laying in bed in excruciating pain…unable to eat, focus, see, and sometimes unable to move or speak. The cause? Hemiplegic migraines. They mimic strokes which makes them more serious than your average migraine due to the paralysis accompanied with them.

It’s been a rough road…but what kept me going was thinking positive about my situation. I’ve heard people constantly complain about having a simple headache or common cold… or just petty things. Having car problems (try not being able to drive!)… this or that. And I would think to myself, I could really feel sorry for myself, I could be depressed, but how is that going to help? Is that going to fix my situation? Is that going to make me better? Honestly I would have probably gotten sicker. I think the more I kept in contact with people (the real friends considering many “fell off”), the more I tried to keep myself happy…the better I have felt.

So instead of whining… breathe!

New Direction

First order of business…

Today is the day my blog is taking a new direction. I realize that creating one to solely document my progress as a writer is not doing myself (or my writing) justice. Most of it has been talking about how I PLAN to write, instead of actually doing it. How useful is that? In my opinion, it’s not.

“Planning to write is not writing. Outlining, researching, talking to people about what you’re doing, none of that is writing. Writing is writing.” ~ E.L. Doctorow

I fell in love with that quote after reading it here. That’s what I have been doing this entire time. So, no more of that. The planning has been squashed. Time to simply write…. whatever it may be, and wherever it may lead.

Here goes…

Last night I had a long conversation with one of my friends. It’s one of those friendships where we don’t keep in touch as much as we should, but we always pick up where we left off. During our talk, Facebook became a topic. Sigh… I know everyone has SOMETHING to say about it. We were discussing peoples’ statuses (in general). Honestly, I believe you can learn a lot (perhaps in some cases not) about a person by what they say in their status update.

Lately I have come to the realization that people COMPLAIN far too much. Now, I definitely cannot say that I haven’t been guilty of such. We all do it at some point, but some people only have negative things to say. It’s as if everyone is their enemy and out to get them. I may be a bit dramatic in some of my examples to come, but if you honestly take time to think about it…it’s true.

• I’m tired of reading “I’m so sick…” What about the people that truly are ill and the people that are dying? Think they are complaining about a common cold?
• I’m tired of reading “I’m hungry, what should I eat?” What about the starving kids that are wondering WHEN or IF their next meal is coming.
• I can’t stand how people list every television show they watch. It makes me wonder if they ever pick up a newspaper or a book. At least watch some CNN or something!
• It’s frustrating to see how some people claim Kim Kardashian, Lil Wayne, Britney Spears, Mike Vick, etc to be their heroes. Seriously? Learn about Eleanor Roosevelt or Clara Barton…read The Autobiography of Malcolm X or something about Marcus Garvey. Watch Oprah. Look at strong political leaders…Obama, Hilary. Then please get back to me on this.
• People put their exact location, then complain that some creep “ran into them.” He probably saw where you were from your Facebook status dummy!
• It’s funny to see a female that states she is broke one day, then says she is going shopping the next. Hypocritical much?

I could go on, but I won’t. It’s far too long of a list…..but perhaps I shouldn’t care. It is their life and not my own, so really what can I do? Hopefully people realize to change their ways.

I’ll leave you with a status one of my friends posted yesterday. Food for thought.  “FB is turning everyone into high school students again people need to be mature and stop being petty myself included!”

Aspiring Author

Aren’t writers supposed to write?

I ask myself this because I say that I aspire to be one, yet I haven’t been writing. Not only have I not been writing on this blog, I have stopped writing altogether. My friend thought I should do a “Show You Still Care” post. The idea actually helped me remember I made this blog. Sadly, even after he told me, it has still taken me WEEKS to do it.

Don’t get me wrong, I still love to write. Lately life has just come along and zapped my inspiration. It’s like a mom that tells her child “No you can’t have cookies for supper.” Life has been telling me “No you can’t make writing your career.” I believe it’s because I have never felt so passionately about something in my life and I am made to feel guilty in some way. Sure, tons of people are authors… but I grew up believing that was not an option. I had fantasies as a child of being a ballerina or a painter. Yes, I’ve always loved the arts. Yet, it was embedded into my brain that I’d grow up to be a doctor or a lawyer. Not just that I would, but that I HAD to. It’s as if I have been aspiring to someone elses’ dream and not fulfilling my own.

Now that I think about aspiring, I realize I titled this blog incorrectly. When I do write, that automatically makes me a writer. Simply because my pieces are not yet published doesn’t mean I have not attained that status. Therefore, I am truthfully an aspiring author. I’ll just need to keep up with actually putting words onto paper if I want to achieve that goal. That means I need to make more of an effort to post on here as well.

Nurturing Craft

New year, new post.

What is anyone’s reason for doing anything? I suppose there are hundreds, thousands, perhaps millions of reasons that people choose to do something. Perhaps pure boredom. Maybe they are told to, forced to, or challenged into a task. I could go on with an endless array of possibilities.

But why did I choose to write? For the sheer and utter joy I receive from it. As soon as the words leave my fingertips, I can feel a smile start to take hold upon my lips. It’s a sensation I can’t nearly explain accurately in words. Ironic as that is considering how much I love to express myself through writing, but words themselves can’t explain what a writer feels. It’s pure pleasure though. I imagine it’s the same for a dancer. I myself spent many years in dance and I experienced the same sensation. A person can so accurately and vividly portray their emotions and paint “pictures” through their craft. Writers do it through words, and dancers through movements.

Writing has been such an easy outlet for me because I don’t have to be shy. If I don’t want to share what I have to say, I can keep it to myself. Growing up, I tended to be on the quiet side and kept a lot of things to myself. Through writing, I have learned to let a lot of that inward emotion out. It’s still a struggle in allowing others to read my personal stories, but over the years I have learned that I should not be ashamed of what I have overcome. Rather, I should take pride in what it has made me.

Writing is a passion. A pleasure. A craft that I nurture. I still have a lot to learn. Currently I have taken a break from this whole book venture. I guess my mind got sidetracked over the holidays. My thought was that I would have more time to spend on writing. In turn, I actually had less time with family in for the holidays. But the time with family helped me realize a lot of things I wish to add to the book, perhaps points I never thought to mention before. Though I have often felt alone and that I have been very independent in my life, I have failed to remember the many times that my family has been there for me. Now I can’t say that all parties have been caring members, but there are those that have stepped up to the plate. For them, I am truly grateful because I have realized that through it all I have not been entirely alone.

I’ll get back into the book writing soon, I have ideas that should be written down soon. I’m sure I’ll share a few in the near future. I’ll keep you posted!